I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
