you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
