At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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