Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
