I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
