allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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