Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
