You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
