so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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