3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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