All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
