She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
