its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
