i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
