Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The adults are the big ones right?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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