hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
