I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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