I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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