How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize