um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize