Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
