I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
