it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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