if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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