Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
