I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
