I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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