it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
