Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
