Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
