Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
