I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
