Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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