Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
