well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
