i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
