you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize