so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
