I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
