I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize