I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
