Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
