im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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