we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
