Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
