I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
