i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
