5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
