Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
