u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
