I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
