my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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