i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
