I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
