i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
