kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize