took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need a beard to bite.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
