i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
