Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
