don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
