she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
