hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
