Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
