i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
