I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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