And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
