i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
