She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize