Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I died a long time ago.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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