I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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