Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
