Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
