It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
