Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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