Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
